There is nothing like having a professional coach – someone who is qualified and experienced to give you perspective and help you gain clarity on your challenges and pressures. However, wouldn’t it be great if we could all improve our coaching skills, whether that’s to coach people we manage, our colleagues or our friends (and even our kids.)
Before you give coaching a try, there are 10 things you need to know:-
1. Coaching isn’t always the answer.
It isn’t always appropriate to have a coaching conversation. Sometimes people need a more direct message instead. This might be because you need to set some clear expectations or give some direct feedback – whatever the reason, remember coaching is only one ‘hat’ we wear and it isn’t always the most effective or appropriate.
2. Think about who you coach and when
Think about some specific people and/or situations where a coaching conversation is appropriate. If you manage a team, a one-to-one catch up is a good place to start. Coaching a colleague who feels ‘stuck’ in some way is another situation where you can hone your coaching skills.
3. Treat one-to-ones as ‘rocks’ in your calendar
A typical time to use your coaching skills is when you have one-to-one catch ups with the people you manage. Far too often managers cancel or rearrange these or only book in 15 minutes to catch up. Ensure that these meetings become ‘rocks’ in your calendar, aren’t rearranged and that you allow enough time to discuss longer term development needs as well as day to day challenges.
4. Stay away from giving advice
Coaching isn’t about telling people what to do or about giving others your solutions to their problems. However tempting it is, try and stay clear of giving advice and focus your efforts on asking good questions and listening instead. The evidence shows that not only are you more likely to remember your own ideas, compared to someone else’s, but you are more likely to be committed to them and see them though to fruition too.
5. Structure your questions
You don’t have to be regimented about it, but it’s useful to have a flow to how you ask questions when you’re coaching. Start by asking questions to understand what someone wants to talk about. ‘What’s on your mind?’ for example. Make sure you go on to ask questions that help them explore various options and possible ways forward. Try and end with what actions they will take and what changes they are going to make. If you haven’t heard of it, check out the GROW coaching model – this will help you frame your questions.
6. The killer question
A great question to add to your list is what Marshall Goldsmith describes as the AWE question ‘And what else?’. You can ask this again and again and it always amazes me how useful it can be for someone who is being coached.
7. Be present, no distractions.
There are two key skills when it comes to coaching and one of them is listening. If you are distracted, you can’t listen effectively. Turn off your phone, email notifications and pick a time and environment were you know you won’t get disturbed or interrupted. This will enable you to listen better and ultimately be a better coach.
8. Really listen
Listening is an underrated skill. Think about how you can demonstrate you are listening during your coaching conversation. Remember that eye contact is key, as are making appropriate facial expressions and nodding in agreement. You could also try summarising what the other person has said and repeat it back to them. Feeling heard is really important in order to build trust and encourage an open conversation
9. Listening one step further
And what about the things that aren’t being talked about? You may notice a misalignment with someone’s tone of voice, the words they are using and their body language ie ‘I’m fine’ (says the person with a frown and arms crossed). Listening is more than just listening to the words that are used.
10. The power of silence
The final thing to remember is how powerful saying nothing is as a coach. We often feel uncomfortable when there are silences in a conversation. However, silence enables people to think clearly and reflect. Don’t be tempted to jump in with answers or prompts, and remember that some people prefer a slower pace than you do (note to self here!)
There’s nothing like practice and repetition to improve your coaching skills so keep at it and you will quickly see the benefits for you and for others.