Today is often talked about as Blue Monday – the third Monday of January which is meant to be the most depressing day of the year. Christmas celebrations are well and truly over, the slog of January and the cold weather a reality and added to that the cost-of-living crisis, strikes and ongoing war in the Ukraine. All of this is why we love the Samaritans more positive take on today which they’ve called ‘Brew Monday’. The concept is simple, everyone has good and bad days and why not connect and reach out to people you care about today. The Samaritans also recommend you have this chat over a cuppa, hence the title Brew Monday, a nice marketing gimmick too!
So, with that thought firmly planted in our minds we wanted to give you a kick start today to take the plunge and start a conversation with someone you work with. To start you off, here are some useful things to think about:-
1. How do you know if someone has been struggling? What are the ‘red flags’?
There can be lots of signs to suggest someone is having a hard time and might benefit from a chat. These signs might be one of the following: –
- Not wanting to do the things they usually enjoy doing. This might be someone taking a back seat when they usually like to lead a project or not coming on a night out when they are usually the life and soul of a party
- Finding everyday things overwhelming and stressful when they really shouldn’t be
- Not replying to messages, emails and phone calls when the usually get back to you quickly
- Avoiding people or seeming more quiet than usual
- Appearing restless or agitated and being tearful
- Over reliance on alcohol or drugs to get through a normal working week
2. How do you start a conversation and encourage someone to ‘open up’?
We know that lots of people don’t know how to start a conversation – so if that’s you don’t worry you’re not alone. You could try:-
- Choosing a time when you have enough time to talk and don’t have to rush off – and a location that is quiet
- Using open ended questions that need more than a yes/no answer for example ‘I’ve noticed that you don’t seem your usual happy self…how are things at the moment?’
- If you can, try and avoid giving them solutions and telling them what to do – just being there and listening is the best tonic
- Opening up yourself giving examples of when you have found things tough. This can really help make other people feel less fearful about sharing their vulnerabilities and fears.
3. How can you make sure you are a good listener when someone does open up?
Being a good listener is an under-rated skill and can literally make all the difference in a conversation. So how do you go about developing your listening skills?
- Give someone your undivided attention, make sure you use eye contact and there are no distractions (put away the phone)
- Don’t feel you need to fill all the silences – in fact silences are useful for thinking and reflecting although may feel a bit uncomfortable at first
- Summarising and reflecting back what you have heard is really helpful and shows you have been intently listening to what’s been said
- Listening to the tone and volume of their voice as well as the words that they use is also useful and can tell you a lot about how someone is feeling
4. How can I make sure I set my own boundaries?
Having open conversations at work, that aren’t directly about the work, has become a lot more prevalent, particularly since the start of the pandemic. However, there comes a point when an open chat with someone who cares isn’t going to be the help that is needed. You also need to know where to draw the line in terms of your responsibility for other people’s welfare and mental wellbeing. If you feel someone needs professional help from a specialist, counsellor, mental health expert or doctor then guide them to seek help in the relevant places.
So put the kettle on and pick up the phone/arrange a virtual coffee/grab lunch with someone you work with today.