This was a headline from Harvard Business School’s study earlier this year that studied the children of working mothers across 24 countries. Statistics emerged giving fact to the theory that a working mother represents a positive role model for children of both sexes.
But does this fact and this credible research study relieve the guilt many working mum’s face? Personally I don’t think it does. Society, employers and your own children themselves know how to play on a working mother’s inbuilt guilt complex. According to NABS ,when they asked the Advertising industry about the challenges of being a working parent 85% told them they sometimes feel guilty when trying to balance both work and home lives.
I have always found it hard working out and accepting the work/life mix that is right for me. And I know I am not alone. Added to this is the difficulty to maintain clarity of thought and confidence to stay focused on what we think is right for us.
I was lucky enough to be working for an employer who allowed me to return to work part time after my maternity leave – enabling me to continue enjoying a job I loved as well as spending time with my daughter. I have always felt lucky to have been given this opportunity. Looking back at my experience adjusting back to work, I muddled through OK without much guidance or many role models to inspire me.
Six years on however, many companies are doing more than they ever have to support a workforce with increasing working parents. Not only offering flexible working opportunities but also support, mentoring, coaching and training to help parents with this transition. Mediacom have promoted their ‘Project Blend’ initiative, which is a talent management system, aimed at rewarding great output and delivery and not hours spent at desks. This not only benefits working parents but a whole host of employees with extra curricula demands.
From personal experience and from speaking to (and working with) a host of working parents over the last few years, Thrive has developed specific offerings for back to work parents. Some tasters of what I have seen and heard are captured here:-
1.The Importance of Understanding the Transition Cycle
Everyone goes through a similar cycle of emotions and feelings when they experience change in their life. The same is true when you return to work after having a baby and these emotions can affect your personal performance. The initial excitement during the honeymoon period of being back at work is usually consistent with high performance levels. This is commonly followed with feelings of uncertainty and often a loss of confidence that leads to lower performance levels. Understanding this is a transition that most of us go through and that this cycle typically ends with acceptance and confidence growth can really help returning to work parents ride the storm as things do usually get better.
2.Your Work Pros and Cons
Knowing what you enjoy and are good at and what isn’t going so well is an exercise that is worth doing in your initial few months back at work. From this self-awareness you are able to plan effectively and think about ideas that can help you progress. This is something you can do by yourself, with a colleague or even a manager.
3.Setting Realistic Goals – In All Aspects of Your Life
It is important to look at all aspects of your life when you return to work and set achievable goals. A common trait amongst women in particular is to set far too many ambitious goals that can never be achieved and then feel guilty for not achieving them.’ I want to be promoted in the first 6 months back at work’, ‘I want to make sure I am not late to work once this year to prove that things haven’t changed’ ‘ I want to make homemade meals every night for me and my family to enjoy’. Any of these sound familiar? Setting a small number of realistic goals in relation to your job, your career and your own wellbeing will help you keep focused and ensure you have a holistic view on what is important to you.
4.Build a New Brand ‘ME’
Accepting that life has changed and that there are a lot of positives that come with this change (whether it is your first or fourth child) can help you define the person you are and how you want to be perceived by others. Once returned to work start thinking about the new you and how you would express this to others. Think about your values, your ambitions and how you would like others to see you. Remember that first impressions tend to solidify so making the right impression when you return to work is important.
5.Confident Mind-Set
Developing your resilience and managing stress levels is a useful skill to learn whether you are returning to work after maternity leave or a graduate coping with extreme workloads. Try and identify the limiting and un-resourceful thoughts you have about returning to work and challenge these. Are these thoughts and beliefs actually facts? Or have we just built them up in our heads over time?
Leaving the corporate world and starting my own consultancy has been a big challenge for me personally yet at the same time a breath of fresh air. Life is still a bit of a juggling act (as I write this I am also making my daughter a sandwich and packing her swimming bag) but the weight of the balls do feel lighter. We are all different and I am certainly not advocating that all working parents are better off working for themselves but I may have just found the balance that is right for me…at this time. Knowing what is right for you and learning to accept that is the key to a more harmonious work/life balance in my experience.